Wednesday, January 29, 2014

My Reading Chair


It's cold in Alabama right now.  We're not prepared for multiple days in the single digits.  We don't have the clothes or outerwear required and most of our houses are heated with heat pumps that struggle against the cold.  Right now it's all I can do to keep myself from burrowing in my nice comfy chair with warm sweats, cozy socks, piles of blankets and stack upon stack of books.  One day I tell myself that will be my schedule for an entire day.  One cold day I will do nothing but read book after book until I can't read anymore.  But I stop myself before I allow myself to wish for that day to come.

You see, if I wish for that day to come I will be wishing for a time when my house is quieter than the chaos it's usually in right now.  I will be wishing for the time when someone needs me to drive them somewhere, play with them, ask for my opinion, complain about work or school or any of the countless things that cause interruption into my reading time, to be over.  It already feels like time is rushing by so fast I can barely focus as it is.  Eleanor is already gone.  Home to her is becoming increasingly her dorm room on a campus 90 miles away.  Her visits home are sporadic, maybe a weekend a month, major holidays, a month or so in summer.  There are visits to friends who no longer live down the road but are in other cities.  With Emma we are racing towards her senior year with increasing speed.  Already the talk is of test scores and scholarships, pros and cons of colleges and early graduation.  I feel like if I look away or get distracted when I look back she will be gone too.  Her visits will be even more sporadic than Eleanor's because the schools she is looking at are far away, in other area codes, other states.  Ringo is right on her heels as we talk about his classes next year and what will put him in the best position to start applying for schools in 18 months.  As it is the time they are here is decreasing.  Between school and work, extra curriculars, AP seminars and practice tests, and friends they are gone more often than they are here.  Our goal is for 1 night a week where everyone eats dinner together and even that sometimes is a challenge.  Within weeks Emma will be driving - she is past overdue for that as it is and our talks going place to place will drift away.  After she goes Ringo will go.  The Tornado will be here awhile longer.  But even he, my baby, is no longer a baby.  He is already all long skinny legs, knees and elbows.  Already, we debate private Kindergarten versus public, which T-ball program and soccer programs to sign him up for, science camps versus sports camp.  Soon it will be just him and then before I know it it will be his turn to talk about colleges.

I don't mean to sound sad.  I'm not dreading the the time when it's just J and me.  I have all kinds of plans, plans to travel, plans to learn new things, things to catch up, days spent in my reading chair.  The older kids at least know what their rooms will be turned into once they are no longer their rooms.  But for right now I remind myself to enjoy this time, to live in this time instead of wishing for other things.  So I will spend my time coordinating and juggling and squeezing my reading time into the hours I stay up too late before I go to sleep or snatched moments here and there.  And in a little while, when I have done all the coordinating, and juggling and planning, my reading chair will be sitting right there waiting for me.

6 comments:

  1. What a beautiful post! I know what you mean. My little one is not even three yet, but she's already exerting her independence right and left. I think back to when I was nursing her or we'd have to take her out for walks in the middle of the night to calm her to sleep. Spoon feeding her and watching her learn to walk. The time goes by so fast. Before I know it, she'll be in school. Then on her way to college. While there are brief moments I wish I could sit down and read for hours on end, they are very, in fact, very brief. I don't want to rush this time with my daughter or even my husband.

    I like the image you've created of that reading chair waiting for you. :-)

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    1. Thanks! It's amazing how quickly time passes. We kind of get doubly reminded of it with teenagers and a 4 year old. I sometimes have a hard time not getting caught up in the to do lists and need to remind myself to look around me sometimes.

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  2. You guys are getting crazy weather! Great post, though. :)

    (And, re your comment on my blog, it isn't on the Canadian Amazon yet. :( Hopefully soon! And Book Depository only has one of her books! They need to working on their marketing strategy!)

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    1. We're so unprepared for the temps it's insane! We had to have our downstairs A/C unit repaired yesterday because it's having to strain so much the capacitor ruptured and the tech said they've been working non-stop on this kind of thing. I don't even know anyone who has a furnace here. Our thickest jackets are light fleece. Needless to say, we're cold! Crazy about it not being on Canadian Amazon yet. Hopefully you'll get it through Netgalley though so it won't matter.

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  3. I'm always astonished by how much reading moms with households full of kids get done. When I had all of mine at home, especially when they all still really needed me, there was precious little "me" time. I wish I would have thought then the way you're thinking now - there will be years of "me" time to come but so little time that you really get to mother your children.

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    1. I think we have an advantage with having a bunch of teenagers and then a 4 year old. It definitely gives you perspective to look at both ages at the same time! The only way I get reading time is extra coffee and the fact that I've always been able to read fast. I don't have many gifts but I'm glad that's one of them!

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