Saturday, January 10, 2015

Home for Dinner - Review

Home for Dinner: Mixing Food, Fun, and Conversation for a Happier Family and Healthier Kids by Anne K. Fishel, Ph.D.

Rating: 3.5 Stars
Source: NetGalley
Description:  The benefits for family dinners seem to be what everyone is talking about right now.  Family therapist Anne Fishel breaks down the benefits and provides tips to make the act of getting everyone to the table possible and more stress-free.

Genre: Non-Fiction

Why I Picked This Book:  To be honest I didn't fully read the blurb so I was under the impression that this was more of a weeknight meals cookbook with conversation tips.

My Impression:

My Thoughts: We're big believers in eating dinner together but it can be challenging.  With 4 kids and 3 close together in age it seemed like for years someone had something every night and that was with us limiting the number of activities they could sign up for.  There was a lot of juggling, a lot of planning (every Thursday was slow cooker meal night for YEARS), and some crazy late dinners but for the most part we ate dinner pretty much every night together.  Even now with Eleanor at college and Emma barely here and a revolving door of their friends who show up to be fed we still eat dinner together most nights.  At 6 (ish) whoever is here sits down to dinner.  Sometimes it's just J, the Tornado and myself and sometimes we're trying to see how many extra chairs we can squeeze around the table.  After reading this book I interrogated Emma (I'd interrogate Paul but teenage boys aren't the most observant and he'd just stare at me blankly) about how many of her friends eat with their families.  It seems to be split.  For some of her friends family dinner is pretty normal though it does seem that it is more frequent with families where 1 parent is at home.  For others it never happens.  For those that don't it was a mix of everyone on their own and 1 person would prepare something or pick something up and then everyone would go to their own rooms to eat at whatever time they felt like eating.  Now most of Emma's friends are 17 or 18 so they're perfectly capable of using an oven.  I don't know how things were handled when the kids were younger.  She did say that all of her friends who came over who didn't eat with their families always commented on how we eat together and in a positive way.

Pro: Obviously I'm not a new convert to the eating dinner together thing so I went in agreeing with her overall point.  I loved how she talked about statistics. Eating dinner together causes countless benefits but she discusses the sample sizes of the studies and that dinner doesn't exist in a vacuum.  There are other things going on in the family other than that they shovel chicken into their mouth while sitting across from each other.  I liked that she addressed this point and even talks about starting with dinner and essentially "fake it till you make it".  She broke her ideas down by age group which was useful as eating dinner with an 11 year old offers different challenges from eating with a 4 year old.  She even talked about eating together once the children have left which isn't something I'd actually thought about.  Fishel covers a wide range of topics from how to get your family to eat and talk as well as situations she dealt with in her family therapy practice.  I really appreciated that her attitude isn't "This is what we do and and if you don't you're wrong" but instead offered examples and stressed finding what works best for your family.  There's plenty of tips for those that already eat together and lots of good ideas for those that are trying to work towards that.

Con: This is a pretty dense book.  There's a lot of information and while she does a good job mixing in personal stories it still reads like a textbook in part.  The handful of recipes that were included weren't something I can see my family eating.  While dumplings - particularly as a group activity for making dinner - sound like a lot of fun I think my family would mutiny.  Obviously, this is strictly personal as your family may be willing to eat interesting foods.

Overall:  While definitely not a cookbook there is a lot of useful information in here about how to get your family sitting for a meal and enjoying each other's company.  While there is a certain textbook feel it never felt like Fishel was preaching or saying "You must do it my way."  This is definitely an interesting read for families of any age.

Would I Read More of this Series/Author?: Yes, definitely.  I really liked how she made her points.

Would I Recommend this Book?:  Yes.  I think this would be a good resource for any family.

Challenges Met?  Foodie Reads

25 comments:

  1. That made me laugh when I read how your dinner conversation goes with teenagers ! Been there! It's like an act of congress to get them to converse sometimes. Sounds like a good book but I would check it through the library first.
    I firmly believe it's important to sit down to family dinners together. It's the one time we can all be together and share our day. Good review.

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    1. Ternagers are definitely odd. Sometime you can't pay them to shut up and other times getting them to talk requires a minor miracle!

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  2. Your description of dinner with teenagers was a definite LOL. We went through the same thing - in order to make sure our kids would eat with us at home, we had an open door policy with regard to their friends breaking bread with us. We never knew how many would be joining us - normally we were four, but we could have as many as 12. Looking back, it was great fun. One of our daughter's friends used to call around 4:30 and ask what we were having. One night I heard him yelling to his mother, "I'm going to the Grangers for dinner. I like what they're having better than what you're making!"

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    1. That's too funny about your dayghter's friend! At first the influx of kids would stress me out but I've gotten better about preparing and now it's just entertaining. The more the merrier!

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  3. Sounds like an interesting book. I'm a big believer in family dinners but with just two of us in my house, it's easy to do that anyway. If I had children, I know I would be insisting on it and I love the' fake it till you make it' advise, even though it doesn't apply to my circumstances.

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    1. This book did remind me to keep making an effort to eat together when it's just J and me. It could get easy to just eat in front if the TV and not tal to each other.

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  4. My parents always had is rat together. They'd question me and my brother about our day. Now it's me and my girls as their dad has to get through the 50 mi commute.

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    1. What a commute! That's nice that you and your girls get to eat together though. I imagine you have some great conversations!

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  5. My husband and I have always sat down to dinner together. My favourite memories of growing up was Sunday dinners.

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    1. Most of my memories of my parents are dinner time memories as well!

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  6. We always had family dinner, but credit goes to hubby for being fanatical about it! Now it's just the two of us, and we still try to share most meals with conversation when we're home together. This sounds like a good book for parents!

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    1. Eating together when it's just the 2 of us needs to be something I keep in mind. It'd definitely be easy to eat and watch TV!

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  7. I believe in a sit-down dinner. My husband and I always sit at the table without television or books. We have for 30 years. We both grew up that way, so it comes naturally.

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    1. That's kind of how we are. It was never a discussion it's just what we both did.

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  8. Great post! I probably wouldn't read a whole book about this, but I absolutely believe in the idea of sitting down to dinner. We did this growing up for the most part. I was a swimmer and had practice at odd times, so sometimes dinner was at 4:30...without Dad obviously, but all the kids and Mom.

    My issue now is that my kids are young and eat dinner around 6:00 and my husband doesn't get home from work until 6:45 at the earliest and sometimes not until long after the kids have gone to bed. I tend to feed the kids early at their small table and then eat with my husband later.

    My question is...at what kids age do you start being able to sit down together (i.e. kids can eat later after Dad gets home)? We can't do it now b/c of bedtimes and my husband's work schedule.

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    1. One thing I liked about this book is she stressed that you do what works for you instead of following a certain rule. I can see how the time conflicts would be a huge issue. It'll definitely be easier when the kids have later bedtimes but until then maybe feed them at 6 and then let them have a little snack/dessert when you and your husband sit down for dinner? Or on nights when he's later you could eat with the kids and then sit with your husband. It is definitely challenging!

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    2. Oh and terms of age I think it varies. Emma and Paul could stay up till 8 or so by 1st and 2nd grade but Eleanor needed an early bedtime until she was a teenager!

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  9. I do believe in sitting together for dinner. We do it every night.

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    1. I think it's definitely worth it. We are pretty close and I think family dinner has a lot to do with it.

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  10. My kids are 9 & 7, and unfortunately we are not good about sitting down to dinner together. We need to try and do better.

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    1. It is hard and does require a lot of planning but it does get easier when you get in the habit. We are all pretty close and I think one of the reasons is because we have that time at dinner to connect.

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  11. I only have one teenager and it is almost impossible to get to eat at a reasonable time together! It would be good to do it more often.

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  12. We ate dinner most nights together when I was growing up but my husband didn't with his family. It's easy for us now that the kids are little and not into activities, but even getting dinner on the table when Evie is starving is a struggle. I just hate preparing two meals! I hope that we'll be able to eat most of our dinners together when the kids are older and more active--I think it's such a positive exercise in family togetherness!

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  13. We always tried to eat dinner as a family, and as our sons got older, it was harder with sports, school, jobs, but we did it most nights. When they went to college and lived with other guys, they all tried to eat dinner together as often as they could, and that made us feel good.

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  14. I like the *idea* of this book, but as a single woman, I can't see myself reading it anytime soon.

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