1. If the woman is wearing very obvious makeup including contouring she is either the villain or the soon to be ex. This is the same if the man has very styled hair or looks comfortable in a suit (especially if it features a pocket square and flashy tie).
2. The heroine will be wearing natural looking makeup and have a tendency to pull her hair up in a ponytail or messy bun. She will also have a fantastic collection of sweaters, cardigans, and boyfriend jeans. The hero will look good in a suit but hate wearing it. He will have a number of baseball style tees and maybe a flannel shirt if it's cold.
3. Appropriate career choices for hero/heroine:
Heroine - 2nd Grade teacher (don't know why it's always 2nd grade), Bakery owner/caterer, boutique owner, travel agent, veterinarian, innkeeper.
Hero - Lawyer (but only estate or some other way that enables him to help out his community), Boat builder (seriously Hallmark world requires a lot of boats), former professional athlete who is now doing something charitable, contractor/landscape architect, regular architect, guy from money who does either is involved in academic research of charitable work.
Exception - The hero/heroine can be in finance or marketing but only at the beginning of the movie when they're workaholics and miserable. There will be either a disaster or an inheritance which will show them what they really need to do to be happy.
4. Hero/heroine will have either no family and be all alone in the world OR have lots and lots of family who all have no boundaries. Frequently there is one of each.
5. If the heroine is walking a dog the dog will become out of control and land her in an embarrassing situation.
6. They will live in a small town or end up in a small town. If there is not snow there will be time on an incredibly clean looking lake.
7. Lacey Chabert will show up at some point. And if she doesn't Danica McKellar, Candace Cameron-Burre or Erin Krakow will be there.
8. Someone is going to have a quirky pet. Either a rambunctious (and enormous) dog, a cat who is always into something, or if they're in a rural setting a goat. Bunnies and tortoises and also possibilities.
9. There will be a best friend. The best friend is most likely happily married and will have no boundaries.
10. If the heroine is baking she may have just a bit of flour/powdered sugar artfully placed on her face but her apron/shirt will be perfectly clean. Hallmark world is a magical land or I am an incredibly sloppy baker.
Do you watch Hallmark movies? Do you agree with these rules?
I haven't watched many Hallmark or cozy mysteries (although I think that latter category might be kinda fun??) but it's nice to have a good grasp of the rules of these now. :) Some of these are hilarious- family with no boundaries, lawyer/ boat builder occupations lol, and of course the flashy villains!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh this is so funny!!! Because it is true!!! Great pick and take on a topic this week!
ReplyDeleteOMG Katherine, as a hallmark movie fanatic, you've pretty much nailed it! The only thing that was a little different this year were the addition of writers which I loved. Yes, Lacey Chabert usually shows up for Christmas and Valentine's Day pretty regularly. Of course, I laugh out loud with Alicia Witt, and adore Candace Cameron Bure. I could ramble on and on and take up all your time, but I'll end here. (lol) Thanks for the post! Hugs...RO
ReplyDeleteSounds like you've cracked the formula for sure.
ReplyDeleteI love this! No, I'm not a Hallmark Movie watcher, but one of our mystery group members is a Hallmark fanatic. She loved them all, especially the ones based on the cozies. I laughed about the actors you featured - is it a requirement for them to be 'grown-up now but starred in cute TV shows in their teens?'. LOL
ReplyDeleteHA! I love this so much! I gotta admit, I'm a total sucker for Hallmark movies. These are all so perfect!
ReplyDeleteOh, this was too funny. Great job.
ReplyDeleteHere is our Top Ten Tuesday.
What a great post! Hilarious! I've watched a few Hallmark movies and I think you're on to something. :-)
ReplyDeleteI don't watch enough hallmark movies but this list sounds right. I always like the heroine/hero have a best friend who are happily married or single and quirky and daring.
ReplyDeletehave a lovely day.
Hahaha this list is great! I've only seen one or two Hallmark movies but I'm pretty sure I've seen everything on the list ;)
ReplyDeleteI don't watch Hallmark movies, but remember the tv show Party of Five? I loved that show and little Lacey Chabert. 💜
ReplyDeleteOnce again your comedic muse was working overtime... ha ha, I love these lists. 😂
This is fantastic! And I think another rule is that they will only kiss when there is 1 minute left of the movie. But there will be some almost kisses that were interrupted. Also, I think heroines are often interior designers. Or wedding planners.
ReplyDeleteYou nailed it!
ReplyDeleteYou forgot that the only time the couple kiss is at the very end right before the credits. Every movie ends exactly the same way!
ReplyDeleteBwwaaa haa haaaaaa! I think you've got it down. I've seen only a few of these (usually around Christmas at my in-laws) but the makeup thing is so true! Great list and happy to have found your blog. Bookmarking for future reading.
ReplyDeleteHaha! This list is hilarious! I have only watched a few Hallmark movies, but I think you pretty much nailed their format. Maybe you should write for them, maybe shake things up a bit. Or not, people seem to love the predictability of this channel.
ReplyDeleteThis is a fun post and had me laughing! I don't have the Hallmark channel but I have seen a couple previews and #7 is what I remember about them.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, yes!! I've noticed Lacey Chabert is so many of the recent movies. Is she their main actress now??
ReplyDeleteI don't watch many of them, but even I've noticed the boat builder thing...
ReplyDeleteLauren @ Always Me
hahaha i love this!
ReplyDeleteYou are spot on with this entire list, haha. Thanks for sharing this. Gotta love a cheesy Hallmark movie.
ReplyDelete