At 36 I don't think I'm anywhere near old but I am firmly in the realm of adult. One of the best things about getting older is that I find I'm caring less about what people think. I mean I care what the people who are close to me think of me and I want to be the best person I can be but my concern on whether the woman in front of me thinks I have too much processed food in my cart has pretty much dropped to zero. As well feeling the need to create an image of me that isn't quite me is pretty much me. I will freely admit that I watch all kinds of junk television and would happily hole up in my house wearing comfy clothes for days at a time. Yet I found when people asked me what I read I was replying "I just read junk!"
This got me thinking. Why am I saying this? Why am I dismissing what I'm reading and what I enjoy and what about what I'm reading makes me be so dismissive? The genres I tend to hide that I read are romance, cozy mysteries, and women's fiction aka "chick lit". I have no problem admitting to nonfiction and classical or thriller type mysteries.
Part of this is because I think my role model readers (otherwise known as my mother and grandmother) very much looked down on romance which given what was starting to be published in the 70s and early 80s is understandable (though for a fascinating discussion of the ins and outs of one of the first modern romances The Flame and the Flower by Kathleen Woodiwiss go to the Avon on the Air podcast featuring Sarah Maclean for 2/18/16 - it's so interesting!). But there attitude of romance not being worth reading definitely penetrated my thoughts as well. It stayed that way until my early 20s when
Lisa basically gave me a set down in the middle of a used bookstore and told me that romance was "really just a story with a happy ending that focused on a relationship and I couldn't run it down until I tried it." And I tried it and pretty much read nothing else for the next year or so because it turned out I really really liked the genre. But for the most part I hid them.
And then when cozies became a thing I kind of hid them too because they didn't feel like "improving books" and they kind of felt like they were in the same area of romances. And the same with the more women's fiction titles.
But you know what? Since I had this epiphany I'm coming to terms with admitting what I read without dismissing or excusing it because I LIKE what I read. And there's nothing wrong with it. Yes, there is some junk in the romance or cozy mystery genres but find a genre that there isn't junk hidden somewhere in the shelves. And while I've been thinking about all this I've come to another epiphany that it's really the blogging community that gave me the extra boost to feel perfectly good with what I'm reading because everyone is so accepting of everyone's opinions and it's really really nice.
So that's my confession for today. Do you have any reading secrets? Or things you find yourself hesitating to admit? As for me I will be loading my grocery cart full of chips and soda and stacks of Julia Quinn novels!
That's a great post, Katherine. I understand what you mean because romance isn't my top of the list for reading but when I did read some I remember my (now) ex-husband would, answer for me, " oh, she just reads romance" wine someone asked what I liked to read. That word "just" can so dismissive, don't you think? Makes you feel like whatever it is you are doing/ watching/ reading etc. isn't good enough.
ReplyDeleteMy big passion is police procedural novels but I can say, whatever anyone wants to reads is a matter of personal preference. If we enjoy it, that's what counts! I'm not in college anymore and I now read whatever I want.
It is so dismissive! How awful. I'm glad he's your ex because that just isn't acceptable! I love a good police procedural too and I definitely agree we should all just read what makes us happy!
DeleteI used to be the same way, thankful for my kindle because people couldn't see what I was reading. But over the years of blogging I've started changing my tune. Often the people I was afraid of being judged by were either strangers I was seeing on the bus, in waiting rooms, etc. Or people I went to school with. For the first category - who the hell cares what they think? They mean nothing to me and at hardly any of them were reading anything, so what's there to be ashamed about? I'm reading. As for the people I went to school with, they were total snobs. Why in the world did I want their approval? Once I thought about it in those terms, when people asked I told them exactly what I was reading - even if it was erotica. Now, my one exception to this will be at school (as a teacher) . I'll honestly say I read romances, but I won't elaborate because we all know teachers have to be blameless and for some erotica is blame worthy. Pfft! Great post!
ReplyDeleteYes! So much yes! Both to the random strangers and to not caring what snobs think. It's taken me far too long to come to that realization. I also completely understand why you wouldn't advertise reading erotica. The last thing you need is the wrong person hearing that!
DeleteI love this and honestly, judging what someone else is reading and whether it is 'worthy' is one of my hot buttons. When I worked at the library, some patrons would come up and almost whisper that they were interested in romance or sci fi or YA or mysteries and could I help them? I think they thought that I would judge them and point them to the classics or literary books or scold them for reading 'light' books. By the way, the terms 'light' or 'fluff' or 'brain candy' is also a hot button of mine. It's like Tina said above, the word 'just' automatically implies 'not good enough' or 'I apologize' for reading this. OK, back to the library - I would help them and do everything I could to make them feel like their choice was perfect. And it likely was for them.
ReplyDeleteThere is a lot of snobbery in the reading world - most unintended I suspect. People who read 'Literature' are critical of 'Genre Reading' and visa-versa. Hey people - books are books. Some are well written. Some are not. This exists across the entire spectrum of books. But aren't we all better for reading? My motto is 'no snobbery', 'no apologies', 'no feeling not good enough'. It's all good - erotica included. And cozies. And romance. Whew! Can you tell this gets under my skin? I tend to lecture. LOL
Lol! This makes me happy! I used to worry that the librarians were judging me until I checked out a holiday romance and she started talking about how good it was! It was such a relief. I'm very grateful to blogging because it definitely helped get rid of the worry of appearances.
DeleteLove this post!!! I read a lot of YA, romance and chick lit. I honestly don't care but when someone asks me what I read or for recs I tend to give out the Thrillers or more popular fiction I read. It is weird because I know not to be ashamed but sometimes I am or just don't want to be judged.
ReplyDeleteYeah that's definitely a lot of it. I don't want people to judge me which really when it comes down to it why do I care what judgey people think?
DeleteI love that you wrote this post! I used to feel this way about myself years ago, but not anymore. I will read almost any genre nowadays, though I favor some more than others. I won't apologize for going to a used bookstore and scooping up an armload of cozies, romantic suspense, mysteries etc. Don't care!
ReplyDeleteIs the snobbery-- which is real and out there in society-- because literary fiction more closely resemble scholarly work, old-fashioned writings, or school books? If people think cozies, romance, "chick-lit" etc. are fluff reads-- so therefore inferior-- and the person reading them must be less intelligent or savvy... ugh!! Hey folks, we believe in no censorship in book publishing- and so none for readers' selections either, please! It's like people who say, I only watch PBS and listen to NPR. If you enjoy them, great. If you are trying to impress me... um, nope.
By the way, the terms "chick-lit" and "women's fiction" really grate on me, but they are commonly used around the blogosphere so I use them for clarity, but always in quotes because I think they feed into this snobbery.
Oh that PBS/NPR thing drives nuts! Also the "I don't watch tv"people. And I don't mean the actual people who don't watch tv but the people who announce it every time you might mention watching a show. I so agree about the chik lit designation. It is dismissed so much as a genre because books geared towards women so often are undervalued.
DeleteThis is fascinating because I remember that book- my mom read KAthleen Woodiwiss when I was a kid and I remember those books laying around the house. The titles for some reason stuck with me, didn't they all have "The Flame and the Flower" kind of ring? I even asked my mom once "why do you read these?" ha ha Guys you know. :) And I just wanna say that this proves again we are living in the best time possible to be a reader, that there is a podcast talking about those books!
ReplyDeleteAnd as a guy I'll freely admit to being a little self conscious at times admitting I read cozies. not that I read a ton but I have some I like. When I get together with the guys though I don't generally advertise that part of my reading activities. :) It's too bad, and you're right about the blogging community- no one here wonders why a guy reads an occasional cozy (or if they do at least they don't say it lol).
Chips and soda lol.
Ooh good point on the gender issue. I can see where you might not want to advertise reading cozies. I've really enjoyed just how open everyone in the blogosphere is about what they're reading and what they think of it!
DeleteI soooo understand! While I've never been ashamed by reading romance, I never told anyone because I didn't want to deal with them if they got all snotty about it. I do like avoiding confrontation. But since I've started blogging I'm much more comfortable talking about it to people.
ReplyDeleteI've been amazed with how much more confidence blogging has given me about being comfortable with what I read and my opinions.
DeleteThis is a great, reflective post Katherine. No matter what genre is read by any of us, hey, we're freakin' reading, a skill I think is a gift.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely! I learn all kinds of things from everything I read!
DeleteYour secrets are my secrets! And... I could be your mother. hahahaa.... I forget how old I am!! My oldest son is 36. One time when I was young and I read romance novels A LOT, I saw these little old ladies with a notebook of books they had read (I was in a used book store) and they were so cute!! Going thru their list to see if they had read this one or that one yet. And now--THAT'S ME!! But I get you on not wanting to advertise that I love a good romance! Let us throw caution to the wind and say--so what!? It's okay to read what you read!
ReplyDeleteI have had people give me weird looks for saying I read MG or YA books so I am hesitant when I say I am reading one...lol. So I totally get it.
ReplyDeleteAhh I have a post coming up later this year along these lines. I've always been a read what I'm gonna read girl and totally okay with it. Same with tv or music or whatever. My mom and grandmom are kind of like yours, though. They don't get romance (well they don't think it's appropriate) but my mom does read cozies. It is nice not caring what others think about what makes you happy :)
ReplyDeleteI think this can also bleed over into what your prevailing reading environment is at the moment. In my 20s when I was on the road I read a series of "drugstore romances" about naughty stewardesses, and a similar series about cruise ships. The guys in my band laughed at me because I usualy read books about hologram development, and sound reproduction from the library when we were at home. There was too much noise, and too many distractions for "thinking books" when we did tours, plus I could find these books at any five and dime or truckstop. I still found myself making excuses for them. They did talk about the places the flight attendants and cruise ships went, so I would say they were "educational" in their own way. Ha ha. When you look at Goodreads it looks like I didn't do much reading during my early-mid 20s, but I did. I once looked for these series online to do a humor post about them, but couldn't find them. I still don't think I would add them to my GR shelf though, ha ha. When Sebastian was sick and we spent hours and hours in waiting rooms and infusion suites, I read light YA Paranormal Romances. They were easy to put down and pick back up during multiple interruptions, but kept my tired and stressed out mind occupied. People watch certain tv programs to veg and decompress. There isn't much difference in my mind.
ReplyDeleteThis is really a great topic, and one I can relate to. My parents taught me to read at a very early age, and I was immediately hooked, yet I never really saw either of them read while I grew up. Thinking back on that I wish I could ask why. I do know that as I started to read more racy romances, my mom tried to censor some of those novels from Rosemary Rogers or Kathleen Woodiwiss, and I sometimes hid them in schoolbook while in class. The fact that I was such an avid reader caused me to get the title of Book Nerd by the time i was 13-14, and it stuck. This is what is so cool about being connected with book bloggers. There are just so many genres out there that we can pick what we like, even if someone else doesn't quite get it. I'm with you, though, I still read my guilty pleasures, watch crazy programs that no one else agrees with, and eat my cheeseburger, and all is well! (lol) Hugs...RO
ReplyDeleteGreat post! It is interesting how so many people look down on romance. I am willing to bet that a lot of those same people have never read one and really have nothing but their perception to base their judgement on. I do like reading on my kindle and do remember not wanting to have some of the book covers on display while out and about reading. When people ask me for recommendations, I always try to figure out what genres they like to read and recommend base on that since I do read a bit of everything. I do think that the older I get the less I care about what everyone else thinks. :)
ReplyDeleteLove it. And when you think about it, it takes skill to write a book, and the genres you mention are often so well written and such fun. I read for pleasure 99% of the time. Sometimes I extend myself but mostly I go for pretty much same genres as you. But funny how we are encouraged to look down on romance, and really they are about love and the world needs it. I'm happy to leave the literary fiction to those who want it and I won't look down my nose at them either!!
ReplyDeleteI didn't read romance until I started blogging about books 8 years ago! A publisher sent one for review and I read it and loved it. It was a historical romance and that sub genre is still a favorite. When I would post reviews for those books I would get comments (some from other bloggers) that they don't read romance and I would think "why bother to comment at all"! Anyway, those are few and far between these days. I read The Flame and the Flower after hearing the podcast last winter. Wow, the historical fiction authors have come a long way since that book but I can appreciate how ground-breaking it was at the time. I read mostly on my kindle but that's for a variety of reasons. So I don't deal with any judgmental looks from others.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this post, Katherine.
Fantastic post, yes with age comes wisdom and the I know exactly what you mean. Ha..I am still in my pajamas this morning working at my computer. Yes the blogging community gets us to try new genres and walk proud :)
ReplyDeleteI think when I was younger I was more nervous about reading Historical Romance and wondering what people would think. Now I honestly don't care :) I will tell anyone who will listen to me rant and rave about books that I am a lover of YA and MG books and I also read Monster Erotica. So that can totally tell you something about how much I care. My family already knows I am nuts to I sort of don't mind everyone else knowing as well :)
ReplyDeleteGreat Post, Katherine!
I find I have to consciously fight my tendency to be dismissive of certain genres. I'm not sure where my knee jerk snobbish reaction comes from, and it bugs me that I have that reaction at first. I think my family had a certain tendency to dismiss people who did things we weren't interested in, whether that is ride snowmobiles (so noisy!), watch sports (such a waste of time!) or read romances (so cheesy!). So as an adult I have to overcome not only my worry about what others think of me, but also my habit of judging others for things that do not actually matter.
ReplyDeleteIt helps that I have my own comfort reads as well, so I do understand that "literary fiction" is not the "best" thing to read. When I browsing the YA section of my local library, I always feel like the teenagers are looking at me funny, but honestly, I doubt they care. And as a reading teacher, I celebrate any and all reading my students do. I have a kid who's reading "Bart Simpson's Guide to Life," and it makes my day to see him poring over the pages of cartoons and jokes. Kids don't have to read what I would read in order to be readers, right? And those kids will grow up into adults, and whether they're reading romance or horror or Westerns or sci fi or scholarly works on philosophy, all I care about is that they're reading.